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Thoughts after Funerals

In the past two weeks, I have attended the funerals of two women. One was 92 when she passed, the other 94. In both cases family members said, “She was ready.” Both women had full lives from the stories that were shared. But the common thread in these funerals was that these women loved people. They valued friendship. They helped people stay in touch with one another. Your age didn’t matter. They showed interest in the lives of others and cared for others. As I reflected, I wonder how I might show others that same kind of friendship.

Roberta made friends wherever she went. I remember she always greeted me as if I were just the person she wanted to see. I always felt good, even lifted up, after interactions with Roberta. She loved to eat at Chick-fil-A and went there most Thursdays with her daughters or friends. The Thursday after her death our local Chick-fil-A baked 92 chocolate chip cookies and gave them out for free to honor Roberta. Her cheerful kindness had an impact wherever she was.

Sometimes, I wonder if we are losing the value of friendship. Are we lulled into using technology to give us the illusion of connection? We have become a very self-centered society, but today, I’m reminded that there are people, like Roberta, who carry on with living in friendly ways that bless others. In the ordinary daily-ness of their lives, they stop to greet you, look you in the eye with love, and ask, “How are you, dear?”

“There are three things that grow more precious with age; old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends to enjoy.” — Henry Ford

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.
Posted on by mgminer · 7 Comments

AI Assistant

So far, I’ve tried to just listen to the conversations about AI. It hasn’t yet affected me directly (as least not that I’m aware of) in my teaching or personal life. But as I write that, it doesn’t feel true. If I use social media, I guess I am affected by AI through every algorithm used to get me to buy whatever AI thinks I might be interested in.

At the beginning of this month’s SOL challenge, I noticed that the sidebar of my WordPress page had a new button. Where I choose tags and categories there is now a button called “AI Assistant.” Day 1 of the challenge, I wrote my piece and thought, “What the heck? Let’s see what it says.” When I read the generated feedback, I got some nice compliments and some suggestions to draw more readers.

Then I had a decision to make. Did I want to follow its advice? Should I go back and add those subheadings it suggested? Should I add more specific examples? AI was telling me things that I’ve taught my students in the past, so why was I feeling resistance. I guess that bit of human nature that says, “You can’t tell ME what to do” was alive and well.

That said, every time I’ve written this month, I haven’t been able to resist tapping that button to see if AI still likes me and my writing. Will it become another dopamine hit of potential addiction?

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.
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Stumpy

If you live near Washington, DC, the arrival of the Cherry Blossoms around the Jefferson Memorial and Tidal Basin is big news. Everyone always wants to get in on predicting when the peak bloom will be, how to see them without the crowds (pretty much impossible), and when the light is best for photography. Now, as the trees are aging, there is the question of which trees will be preserved and which trees will be cut down and replaced. A short history of the cherry trees can be found here.

One little tree, affectionately named Stumpy, is due to be cut down and replaced. Like many other people, this has brought up a lot of feelings in me. Stumpy is still doing his best. Stumpy bloomed. Can’t we wait one more year? Even the Library of Congress dedicated a poem by Ada Limon (U.S. Poet Laureate) to Stumpy. It’s called “Instructions for Not Giving Up.” Please take a moment to read this powerful poem here. It’s one I’ll return to again and again. Perhaps our fascination with Stumpy reflects our own feelings about the courage it takes to keep going even when we feel worn out and broken.

This morning, as I sat with my son discussing the many pressures, challenges, and difficulties of life along with the humble joy of his first grader’s slideshow about llamas, it was talk of Stumpy that brought tears. “I feel like Stumpy,” he said with tears rolling down his cheeks. Tears from life’s hardness and its tender moments. Stumpy, reminding us to keep trying, that there is beauty. Stumpy, also reminding us that there are seasons of hardship, of loss, of grief. Hope runs through it reminding us that, as Ada Limon wrote, we’ll take all of it.

Stumpy, March 2024. Photo credit: Melissa Green Exploring Virginia Facebook Group
Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.
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Why I Continue

On my way home from my piano lesson today, I felt so happy, encouraged, and grateful. You see, last spring I asked a friend who is involved in local music educators activities if she might know a teacher who accepts adult students. She answered quickly, “I know the perfect teacher for you.” She took the time to help me connect with this teacher who has become such a bright light in my life. It was love at first lesson and at every lesson since.

I smiled as I thought of the many times I get asked why I still “need” to take piano lessons. The assumption is that I don’t need any help. After all, I started my piano journey nearly 59 years ago. I know how to read the notes–the dots and lines on the page hold meaning for me. I’ve learned quite a bit of piano literature. I have experience accompanying soloists and choirs. So, why would I want lessons?

I’m going to try to articulate a few reasons why:

  1. I believe in the magic that can happen when a student-teacher match is right. My current match with this teacher is definitely magic.
  2. I know the technique that I still need to learn and master to be able to play the music I want to play. In other words, I know what is still hard for me.
  3. At my first lesson, I learned one small thing about rotating my forearm that opened a new world to me when it comes to trills. (Think about how understanding a vocabulary word opens a whole text to the reader.)
  4. A teacher can introduce me to music I may never have found on my own. Already, I’m in love with literature that I had never heard before. (Just like matching books with readers, my teacher matches music to me.)
  5. Read here about the effort-driven rewards cycle. Working with our hands helps the brain.
  6. I know that practicing the piano puts me in a state of FLOW. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote about this in his book, FINDING FLOW.

In other words, playing piano is my happy place.

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.
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Five Words to Join the Party

For Leigh Anne and all who celebrate words:

I know a few days have passed since Leigh Anne hosted her Word Buffet party, but I still wanted to join in. It’s so fun and so hard to select words to bring, but here’s my offering.

harbinger – Sometimes used in a negative context, I love all the hopeful ways this word can be used. The things that trigger the hope of good things to come are the harbingers I love.

spuddle – This 17th century word was introduced to me through social media and I love it as it describes so much of how it feels to work in our fast-paced world: “Spuddle: a useful verb from the 17th Century that means to work feebly or ineffectively, because your mind is elsewhere or you haven’t quite woken up yet. It can also mean: “To be extremely busy whilst achieving absolutely nothing”. Spuddle is for the days when I start too many things and can’t seem to finish anything.

glimmer – I love the word glimmer when I think of how the tiniest light can pierce darkness. We are blessed by glimmers – glimmers of gratitude, glimmers of progress, glimmers of change, glimmers of hope.

breath – The first and last sound of our human lives. The taking of an intentional breath can push the reset button for so many things. I love all I learned about breath from my yoga teacher.

periwinkle – This word is fun to say; the flower is fun to see; the shade of purple-blue so unique. I learned that it also symbolizes friendship from this website:

“The most cited depictions of periwinkles are associated with pleasant emotional states or the experience of nostalgia.  One story that stands out is from the works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau who looked upon the periwinkle as meaning “fidelity in friendship”, “warm memories” and “remembrance of things past”.

Thank you Leigh Anne for this writing idea and so many that flow from you.

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.
Posted on by mgminer · 4 Comments

Yellow

As I drove to and from work today, I noticed all the fresh new color and got to thinking how children often ask you what your favorite color is. The older I get, the harder this question becomes. Now, I really couldn’t say what my favorite color is. Each shade of green delights me; the pinks, purples, and whites are so dear; the backdrop of blue sky can be arresting; the bright yellow King Alfred daffodils is stunning. Add the effect of low, gray clouds softening it all with gentle rain and such a delicious smell. The spectrum broadens to include so much more than hue.

Coincidentally, a friend posted these words of Polly Castor (whose blog you can find here). I enjoyed her expression of yellow. Today, let’s go with yellow.

“Once the forsythia comes shouting out through its chorus of little trumpets, the rest of spring barrels in quickly with leaves and blooms in tow. No wonder these cadmium heralds are so welcome, clamoring noisily against the bare sticks and branches, crashing loudly against the blue sky, making a Swedish flag of the world. Next in the parade will proceed warm days, unfolding growth, and flourishing joy. Alleluia.”

I love the music of those words and add my own Alleluia.

Getty Images/iStockphoto
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A Turn

If you know me, you know I am a sensitive person. I feel things deeply and strongly. Many days that makes life hard for me. Over the last 40 years, I have worked hard to manage the part of me that tends toward depression and sadness. The doctor called it different names over the years–endogenous depression, pervasive depressive disorder, and more recently, dysthymia. If you look those up, you’ll see that it’s no fun.

I no longer feel as much guilt about it as I used to, but there are days when I can really relate to the shriveled apple forgotten in the fruit bowl, or the bruised banana, better for making bread than eating. Today was one of those days. I just couldn’t “grateful” my way out of the funk, or get up enough energy to enjoy the bright beautiful sunshine. It was a lovely spring day, and I pretty much missed it.

Until…I headed to the store to get what we needed (including a cookie).

As the daylight was fading, the sky changed to many shades of pink, pink with a warm yellow tinge. I stopped at the traffic light where a tulip magnolia was in full bloom. This tree shouted spring. I noticed an elderly lady had stopped with her walker. She was gazing up into the purple, pink, and white blooms taking a picture. She seemed to take a long time with her frail arms stretched up into the blossoms. Since she had her walker near, I hoped that she would stay steady on her feet.

Just the sight of this small woman taking the time to pause at such beauty reminded me that life is good. My depressive day turned toward the light after all.

Photo: CREATIV STUDIO HEINEMANN/GETTY IMAGES
Thank you to all who make this writing space
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Afternoon Conversation

Visiting my daughter and her 3 children after school on Monday, 3/11/24. One is watching a video; one is playing with Mario Kart figures; one is planning a catfood business with her friend. My daughter is making her first baby sweater with a little coaching from me in the Magic Loop method. This might be a “you had to be there” moment, but I’ll share it here anyway.

Me (knitting): I love hanging out with you.

J (also knitting): I love hanging out with you, too.

Me: Yeah, we get each other.

J: Yup, we get each other.

9-year old granddaughter (with a bit of sass): I don’t get either one of you.

Cue: Laughter.

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a place of safety, support, and beauty.
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40 Years

In the spring of 1984, I was a young mother with 3 young children–two boys and a girl. The women at my church had been taking turns making quilt blocks for each other. About 30 women were participating and when it was your turn to choose a pattern, you made 25-30 kits for stitching a block. At the end of the month, you would receive the 25-30 finished blocks which could then be sewn into a quilt top.

My turn came and my two sisters and I prepared kits for a quilt for my little girl. It was the 80s and “country” themes were popular. I chose the Sunbonnet Sue pattern. We had fun putting together fabrics so that no two Sunbonnet Sues would be exactly alike.

Also popular at that time was a sewing method called Quilt-as-You-Go meaning that each block was quilted individually. What a nightmare I had trying to join blocks made by 25 different people. I could sew, but I was not experienced at this kind of work. I tried, but got frustrated with all the wonky lines, and ended up putting the quilt away in my craft closet. I felt like a failure.

1985, another baby came. Then I went back to school. 1992, I got my Master’s degree and another baby came with special needs. I won’t go into all the feelings, but sometime in 1993, I took the quilt out of the closet. I cut the squares apart, picked out all the quilting, and threw away all but the appliqued Sunbonnet Sues. Drastic times. Drastic measures.

The blocks went back in the closet.

Last year, I saw a set of fabrics that would match my fabrics from 1984. I set a goal to finally finish that quilt. However, the daughter I started it for has three boys. I asked if she would mind if “her” quilt went to her sister’s little girl. She said that would be great. I’m happy to say that after its 40 years in the craft closet wilderness, this quilt is going to its promised land tomorrow to be quilted by some Mennonite ladies in Harrisonburg, VA.

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the fact that 40 years have passed, but it did. It feels so good to finish.

Sunbonnet Sue Quilt top before quilting. March 10, 2024
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Car Games

Recently I participated in Laura Shovan’s 12th Annual February Poem Project. The theme this year was “Games.” During the month, we explored so many facets of games–playground games, relationship games, imaginary games, board games, word games, and more.

The day got away from me when the prompt was for car games, but a memory has stayed with me and made me smile. This memory is from about 60 years ago when car windows rolled with a crank and cars didn’t have seat belts or air-conditioning. At least I don’t remember having air-conditioning until the 1970s.

We were on a cross-country road trip from Washington, DC headed to Yellowstone National Park and later to see relatives in Utah. Back then, this meant four long, hot days in the car. With the windows down it was hard to hear each other, but we passed the time singing, coloring, snacking, and sleeping.

On the 3rd day of this trip we were probably in Nebraska with its flat roads, cornfields, cows, and bugs. The goal was probably to make it to Cheyenne, Wyoming. It was hot. My sister and I had probably been too rowdy in the back seat, singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” or the 59th rendition of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” Hence, my dad’s admonition, “Now, hush, you girls.”

What could we do quietly? I don’t remember who had the idea first, but we decided to play a variation of “Name that Tune” by silently shaking the other person’s arm in a rhythm of a familiar song. You surrendered your arm to your sister who would then shake the rhythm. First, it made us laugh just to see the other’s arm flopping around (the more relaxed, the more we laughed).

Our library of possible song choices was pretty huge – all the hymns we knew from church, all the songs we sang in school, all the songs we knew from the radio and our few favorite LPs. “Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam” was particularly fun. There was one song, however, which became the signature song of this game. Even now, we will laugh if one of us begins the rhythm.

It was from our favorite album of Peter, Paul, and Mary (Album 1700) and was called “The Song is Love.” This was mid-1960s music and we loved it. “The Song is Love” begins with a distinctive beat–Dum-de-DUM, Dum-de-DUM. Try that with a limp noodle arm. You can listen to the song here. Picture two hot pre-teens in the back seat of a car rolling down the highway. One girl has the other’s arm in her hands and begins Dum-de-DUM, Dum-de-DUM. And then they are singing again:

I’ve found a song, let me sing it with you
Let me say it now, while the meaning is new
But wouldn’t it be good if we could say it together?

Don’t be afraid to sing me your mind
Sing about the joy that I know we can find
Wind them around, and see what they sound like together

The song is love, the song is love

Lyrics by Peter Yarrow, Paul Stookey, and Mary Travers

Our poor parents probably wondered, “Are we there yet?”

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.