Time – pelicansandprose

Even though I know better, I’m doing it again. “Shoulding all over myself.” This phrase makes people laugh, but it is a very uncomfortable feeling. AI told me that “The phrase “shoulding all over yourself” was coined by Albert Ellis, a psychologist known for developing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), to describe the tendency to overwhelm oneself with “should” statements or expectations.”

I went away for a few days. I SHOULD have kept up with my writing, but I didn’t.

I’m trying to write this morning. I SHOULD have a story, an idea, a poem, or a good question, but my brain keeps rejecting every possibility.

I SHOULD have practiced the piano more in the last week. Actually, I didn’t practice.

I SHOULD organize all the things. I met someone in the Verizon store last week who said she had actually finished her Swedish Death Cleaning. Done. I was beyond impressed, but I SHOULDN’T compare.

The daily SHOULDs of cleaning, cooking, laundry, are ever present.

But what do I WANT when the SHOULDs stop shouting? I just want peace, time with my loved ones, maybe a walk outside, or a little needlework. That’s really enough.

Thank you to all who make this writing space
a place of safety, support, and beauty.

In the spring of 1984, I was a young mother with 3 young children–two boys and a girl. The women at my church had been taking turns making quilt blocks for each other. About 30 women were participating and when it was your turn to choose a pattern, you made 25-30 kits for stitching a block. At the end of the month, you would receive the 25-30 finished blocks which could then be sewn into a quilt top.

My turn came and my two sisters and I prepared kits for a quilt for my little girl. It was the 80s and “country” themes were popular. I chose the Sunbonnet Sue pattern. We had fun putting together fabrics so that no two Sunbonnet Sues would be exactly alike.

Also popular at that time was a sewing method called Quilt-as-You-Go meaning that each block was quilted individually. What a nightmare I had trying to join blocks made by 25 different people. I could sew, but I was not experienced at this kind of work. I tried, but got frustrated with all the wonky lines, and ended up putting the quilt away in my craft closet. I felt like a failure.

1985, another baby came. Then I went back to school. 1992, I got my Master’s degree and another baby came with special needs. I won’t go into all the feelings, but sometime in 1993, I took the quilt out of the closet. I cut the squares apart, picked out all the quilting, and threw away all but the appliqued Sunbonnet Sues. Drastic times. Drastic measures.

The blocks went back in the closet.

Last year, I saw a set of fabrics that would match my fabrics from 1984. I set a goal to finally finish that quilt. However, the daughter I started it for has three boys. I asked if she would mind if “her” quilt went to her sister’s little girl. She said that would be great. I’m happy to say that after its 40 years in the craft closet wilderness, this quilt is going to its promised land tomorrow to be quilted by some Mennonite ladies in Harrisonburg, VA.

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the fact that 40 years have passed, but it did. It feels so good to finish.

pelicansandprose

Tag: Time

Shoulding

40 Years