July is a difficult month. It seems it shouldn’t be; after all, it’s summer. But I know many women (including my daughter) who lost their husbands in July. It seems inconsistent that a month when flowers are in full bloom women I love have worn black and mourned. As Julys come and go, their grief is less immediate but always present like the threat of afternoon thunderstorms.

July is also challenging for me because of my struggle with unstructured time. There are so many things to enjoy and learn. So many projects from the school year put off until summer. So many books, blogs, and tweets to read! So many decisions! Should I read, garden, nap, practice piano, knit, clean (yikes), or write? Ah, the problem is that there is no “should.” There is time and there is choice. July is my month-long life workshop, a macrocosm, perhaps, of a reading/writing workshop.

I am learning that in the journey to become what I am meant to be it is more important to experience the present moment than spend so much time worrying what I “should” do next. There are many “right” things to do.  It’s interesting that as I write this, I realize that agonizing over the “right” word or the best way to express my thoughts and feelings is much the same struggle. In the end, there are many choices and many ways to not only become a better writer, but a better human being. The important thing is to keep trying– making choices to grow.

Especially in July.


7 thoughts on “July 19, 2016

  1. I think unstructured time might be hard because teachers must structure their day to the minute…and then when the summer comes, there is all of this unstructured time…but so many things to do. My mother would tell me to make a list…and sometimes I do…but most of the time I flit from thing to thing. Good luck.

  2. I love the unstructured time that comes with summer. However, by August, I am always ready to return to the structure of the school year.

  3. yes!!!!!!!!! I have always, always struggled w/ it! Especially now that I have children. When I have some “alone time” I don’t even know where to begin on my wish list of all the things I’m constantly wanting to do!

  4. Ah, yes, the pull of unstructured time… soon to be followed by the guilt of all the things you imagined you’d get done but didn’t, right? I love the freedom, but I always end up feeling I “wasted” it… and then have to remind myself that it’s not a waste to enjoy things!

  5. Me, too! I have many plans and high expectations to complete these plans going back to school in the fall. I’m always trying to create quality time to rest, read and watch lots of movies. I do most of this, but it always feels a bit too short. That’s why it’s so important to savor the moment and not have regrets about things not done. Enjoy the rest of July.

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