July is a difficult month. It seems it shouldn’t be; after all, it’s summer. But I know many women (including my daughter) who lost their husbands in July. It seems inconsistent that a month when flowers are in full bloom women I love have worn black and mourned. As Julys come and go, their grief is less immediate but always present like the threat of afternoon thunderstorms.
July is also challenging for me because of my struggle with unstructured time. There are so many things to enjoy and learn. So many projects from the school year put off until summer. So many books, blogs, and tweets to read! So many decisions! Should I read, garden, nap, practice piano, knit, clean (yikes), or write? Ah, the problem is that there is no “should.” There is time and there is choice. July is my month-long life workshop, a macrocosm, perhaps, of a reading/writing workshop.
I am learning that in the journey to become what I am meant to be it is more important to experience the present moment than spend so much time worrying what I “should” do next. There are many “right” things to do. It’s interesting that as I write this, I realize that agonizing over the “right” word or the best way to express my thoughts and feelings is much the same struggle. In the end, there are many choices and many ways to not only become a better writer, but a better human being. The important thing is to keep trying– making choices to grow.
Especially in July.