Laughter

When my daughter asked if I would watch her children so she and her husband could celebrate 10 years of marriage, I said, “Of course!” But first, I had to take a moment to process that my youngest child has been married for 10 years! I honestly don’t know how time has passed so fast.

My time with her three children was spent playing games, watching a movie, building rooms with blocks to house the collection of animals, and providing lots of snacks. In the afternoon, we took a walk which ended with one slipping into the creek. Thankfully, the temperatures were mild and no one was hurt. Just wet and maybe a little embarrassed. We hurried home to a warm bath.

As I got J warm and dry, he smiled and looked up at me and said, “Grandma, you laugh easily.” I don’t think anyone had ever voiced that observation about me, but it felt very nice coming from the mouth of my shy, almost 6-year old grandson. It must have felt important for him to say.

As Charlie Chaplin is often quoted, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

Probability

I have just finished reading THE PROBABILITY OF EVERYTHING by Sarah Everett. It’s a hard book to discuss without spoiling it for others. But as my friend, Sally, said, “Read it and then we’ll talk!” It may be one of the most powerfully written books I’ve ever read. It centers around a young girl’s relationship with her father. Having had a very close relationship with my dad, I felt a deep connection to this character. From dancing in the kitchen standing on my father’s feet, to gazing at stars together, to concerns about his failing health in later years, I felt like I knew exactly what Kemi felt. This connection is one reason I read–to feel part of the universe of humanity in ways that matter. Kemi loves science and specifically, probability.

In 1941, my father began his training with the FBI. He was fluent in German which was a strong asset at the beginning of World War II. The FBI trained him as a cryptanalyst, or codebreaker, and he was successful in using his knowledge of “codes and ciphers” to translate many intercepted communications into English. This was long before we had computers to assist investigators. The computer was his brain. From this period of his life, he developed a love for probability. While he had a rule that he would never place a bet for more than the cost of a meal, he did occasionally buy a lottery ticket for the fun of “what if the odds would favor me this time?” He spent hours around the kitchen table trying to teach me the basics of probability and strategies for simple code breaking. He may have been discouraged when I didn’t readily catch on or share his passion.

Fast forward to today. I realized that as a reading interventionist, I am like my dad. I think I’ve found the passion for code breaking through reading instruction. I’m teaching my students how to break the code by using patterns and probability with the 26 letters of the alphabet. Word play is a fun kind of exercise in probability. For example, playing Wordle more than 250 times, I had a 98% success rate. If your rate was 100%, I bow to you.

Young readers must become code breakers, too. I know this isn’t all they need, however; they also need a rich exposure to literature that touches their hearts, raises questions, and fosters curiosity. Just as code breaking served a higher purpose in my father’s work, I understand that decoding is not the end goal of reading. I fear that too many educators are forgetting this. In our current climate in elementary school, we are hyper-focused on phonics and related skills which will be meaningless if we don’t also help students WANT to read. Code breaking must serve the higher purpose of connecting us with ideas, wonder, and love for each other.

Read THE PROBABILITY OF EVERYTHING. Then, let’s talk.

A Walk and a Concern

You could almost feel the electricity and anticipation in the air (or was it hormones?) as the local high school football team returned to school for early morning practice. As I walked around the track, I missed the quiet mornings of my earlier walks this summer, but I recognize the rhythms and patterns that accompany a new school year. Dreams were being born right on that field this very morning.

As I walked, I admired the energy and ability of these young players. I love the beauty of a spiraling pass, a straight kick, and a long run. I’ve even been known to get a lump in my throat when witnessing the effort and athleticism of a player who has worked hard to build his or her body for that one moment in that one game.

The varsity, junior varsity, and freshman teams occupied both ends of the football field and the hockey field adjacent. They huddled, drilled, shouted, and sweat their way through the morning practice. Coaches blew whistles, gave commands, evaluated performance, and watched over this field of boys and a few girls dressed in red and black. On some faces, you could see the happiness of being back with teammates. On other faces you could see fear; on others, you could see toughness, even cockiness, which probably also masked some fear. My heart went out to these young men who are expected to memorize and run plays, expected to be in the right place on the field at just the right second, expected to show no weakness even in the surety they will feel pain.

Sadly, this morning, I heard the head coach humiliate a player with a sneer that has left me angry. I get that coaches need to establish their authority, but why do we continue to support coaches who belittle, swear, and manipulate young people for their own gain? Admittedly, I’m not the most enthusiastic fan of football; some might think I’m too soft. But these are still young people, young players, who are forming their identities, their dreams, and goals. Why the need to crush one so that others step up? I worry about that one who was publicly shamed.

I continued my walk even though I really wanted to voice my concern. Here, I’m voicing my concern.

Language Fascination

Yesterday I embarked on my yearlong quest to battle the mountains of paper in my basement. By way of background, my mother never saved anything and lived a clutter-free life. I guess the clutter pendulum swung the other way with me, and now I am faced with boxes and boxes of memorabilia, pictures, children’s art and sweet lovenotes. It doesn’t help that my husband is also prone to save papers. In fact, we have all of our tax returns back to 1976. (That’s a little embarrassing.)

But that’s not the story I’m telling today. My youngest daughter, Jill, was born prematurely and had some developmental delays which we successfully addressed thanks to wonderful OT, PT, and Speech therapists. Their work converted me to early intervention. It was almost magical to watch how their expertise helped shape my daughter’s brain-body connection.

Our family stories now include many anecdotes of the “use and confuse” stage of Jill’s language development which re-ignited my fascination with language. I had remembered a few of these anecdotes, but yesterday while I sorted papers, I found one that I had forgotten.

One day, while Jill watched “Fantasia” (she LOVED that movie), she said, “Mom, come look at the fairy dragons!” Fairy dragons. What could she mean? When I went to check, there were dragonflies on the screen. Jill’s naming of things often involved word parts, but also a little creative twist that made it so interesting.

Another time, there were whirlybirds or helicopters from our maple tree stuck on the car window. Some were very tiny. Jill was in her car seat and said, “Mommy, I have pelicans, too!” After some thought, I realized she had put together the idea of bird in whirlybird with the word part “heli-” in helicopters and produced “pelican.” Our brains are so complex and full of wonder.

Once we had an evergreen bagworm cocoon stuck to the siding on our house. It was up high, almost to the eaves of the roof. It really bothered Jill. One day, when we pulled into the driveway, I parked and turned off the engine. Jill said, “Mommy, you really need to tell Daddy to get that kangaroo off of our house.” It was hard not to laugh, but I chuckled and told her I would and he did, eventually. All I could figure on that one was she remembered the /k/ sound started the word and it had the /oo/ sound, too. So it came out, “kangaroo.”

I love these little stories, especially now as Jill is a grown woman with three children of her own, because they remind me that having the open mind of a child can enrich our language and our experience of life itself. I love that she noticed the small things, that she trusted me to share them, and that her developing brain gave me a fresh look at the world around me. It was joy.

Getting Coached

I signed up for life coaching after receiving some great writing coaching from Jen Laffin of TeachWrite (https://www.teachwriteacademy.com/). At the beginning, I didn’t really know how life coaching would help me, but I knew there was work I could do to become the person and writer I want to be. I was willing to try.

The last few days I started to spiral into my annual mid-summer funk. Not pleasant. Typically, my funk accelerates in July when there is more unstructured time than I am used to. I become overwhelmed with the possibilities of what I could accomplish. The long-awaited “free time” in the summer becomes a curse. There are so many possible directions that I end up sitting on the couch with a book or my ball of yarn and knitting needles. Those are not bad ways to spend time, but this is the time of year for. . .

I began to write in my journal to process some of the thoughts that kept swirling around in my head. As I wrote, I saw a familiar pattern. I was engaging in the “luxury of confusion!” If I stayed in a state of indecision, I wouldn’t have to commit to a goal or specific project.

I realized that in my coaching sessions I’d been taught some pretty powerful writing practices to work through times like this. Practices such as writing by hand without any judging or comparing to others, asking a few simple questions:

WHAT IS THE STORY I’M TELLING MYSELF?
WHAT ELSE COULD BE TRUE?
WHAT ADVICE WOULD I GIVE A FRIEND?

Working through thoughts has power to change feelings. I learned that there is a recursive process at work in our brains all the time. We have a thought (which may or may not be true). The thought produces a feeling which leads to an action. The actions we take lead to results. If we don’t like the results, we can work backwards. What result do I want? What actions will that require? What will it feel like? How are the thoughts different when you begin with the end in mind?

These are not new concepts, but practicing them in a focused, intentional way has brought about change. I’m now writing my way out of my mid-summer funk. I know that it will be worth it to put these few words on the page. If only to enjoy the fact of having done it.

Witness

I’m hearing the word “witness” in many places these days. Sometimes people use it when describing a horror they have witnessed. Other times, it’s the wonder one feels at being able to see something unexpected or extraordinary. It’s the latter experience I will try to share.

I play the organ for my church congregation. The way the chapel is set up, I sit behind the podium where the speakers stand. It was from this vantage point that I was a witness to a tender moment I won’t soon forget.

Mary (name changed) is a tall, slender, 17-year old with cranberry red hair who sings like an angel. She is the middle child in a family with five children. Nathan (name changed), her younger brother, is also a tall, slender 14 or 15-year old. Due to the pandemic, I hadn’t heard them sing in nearly two years. In fact, the last time I heard Nathan sing, he was still a soprano. I was pleasantly surprised now to hear his rich baritone voice.

Sunday, they stood at the podium ready to sing a duet. As they listened to their mother play the introduction, Mary reached for Nathan’s hand. At first, he squirmed his hand away, but when she reached again, he held her hand. The podium hid their hands so the congregation did not see what I saw. Mary and Nathan didn’t let go through all four verses of the song.

As the song progressed, Mary became emotional and was having difficulty singing without crying. She squeezed his hand. With a quick glance, Nathan continued and sang Mary’s solo part giving her time to regain her composure. I learned later that Mary’s grandmother who was in attendance would be starting chemotherapy the next day. Her cancer had returned with a vengeance and her prognosis doesn’t look good. No wonder it was hard for Mary to sing.

This expression of family love touched me deeply. I am grateful to have been a witness.

Dinner

My husband will eat anything (except scallops=allergy!). He has only one request when I cook. “Make lots of it.” It doesn’t matter what “it” is. He’s eaten my best cooking and my worst cooking. It’s either “good” or I hear, “It was fine, but maybe next time…”

Over nearly 46 years of marriage, my interest and motivation in cooking has gradually diminished. I would rather spend my time doing other things. Without kids at home anymore, I haven’t had much motivation. With the pandemic, we have fallen into survival level food. Take-out has been more frequent (curbside pickup is so tempting), and my cooking has been very basic.

Enter 16-year old granddaughter, Samantha. She is living with us for a few months and being a nanny for our new grandson–her cousin, Peter. This has been a very happy summer for me with her in my home. When I knew she would be coming to stay, my biggest anxiety was dinner.

“I’m going to have to remember how to cook again!” I said to my sister. Daily dinner seemed like a big challenge.

Imagine me going back and forth the five paces between kitchen and dining room as I put plates, forks, salt, and napkins on the table. A big bowl of shrimp pasta salad and a bowl of watermelon chunks were in the center.

“I’m so excited!” she said.

“Why?” (I assumed she would tell me about an activity she was invited to go on.)

“For this salad!”

“Oh! I hope it’s good!”

It really is the little things that matter. I have loved having Samantha with us, and I found that my pleasure in making food has increased. I don’t even mind doing the dishes. And that says a lot.

Stories from my life, Tuesdays and every day in March. Thank you Two Writing Teachers.

Fireworks

I have been out of the habit of attending the 4th of July fireworks in my town even though we live just up the street from where they are presented. It started when I had a child who could not bear the sensory overload of flashing lights and booming sound. Later, it was I who could not bear the mosquitos and crowds. And then, there was often a grandbaby to stay with that made it easy for me not to go. But this year, on Sunday, the 4th of July, I was coaxed into going.

“It’s just down the street. You can go home if you need to, but come!”

I sat on a neighbor’s concrete driveway and waited until dark. I looked up and saw splendor I had forgotten. The lights, colors, booms, and thrill of not knowing what would come next. I tried to pay attention and be present this year. (We have been through a lot as a nation, and it seems more has been criticized than celebrated.) But, that’s an essay for another time. Instead, here is my poem to try to capture some of the experience I had celebrating our America.

Spirals of fiery light

Shoot toward the stars.

A ball of light bursts into luminescent spokes

Tipped with red, white, and blue.

Colored bits of light fall like confetti and disappear,

Leaving spider veins of smoke etched on the night sky.

Then, flash!

A ball of light surges upward again and again,

Erupting to rain fronds of sparkling weeping willow boughs.

Glittered fire-anemones briefly kiss the sky

Like celestial Queen Anne’s Lace.

It’s a wonder to consider

what gave man the desire to send earthly joy to

the glories of the night sky–even if just for a moment.

“We seek the fire of the spark that is already within us.” ― Kamand Kojouri
Writing slices of life Tuesdays and each day in March. Thank you twowritingteachers.org

June 1, 2021

I am happy to report that my work with my granddaughter, Alice, has been a success! Last week, she read a first-grade benchmark book with 97% accuracy. She reads with expression, especially when her 3-year old sister shares her chair and listens. My favorite day was her rendition of The Teeny Tiny Woman (If you’ve forgotten, you can refresh your memory here.) with the Teeny Tiny imperative, “Take it!”

A year ago, I had packed up my classroom and sadly left an empty school, retiring without getting to say goodbye. I wondered how I was going to navigate retirement. My Alice Project helped so much to fill the void for me. At least 4 mornings each week this school year we have met on Zoom, practiced letters and sounds, studied how words work, and learned to read, write, and spell. It’s been a great year, at least in this way!

Cicadas

We’ve been hearing of the return of our 17-year cicadas for weeks. Doug Kammerer, NBC meteorologist, has been giving updates daily for the last few weeks. Today was to be the day where we would really begin to see them.

My son, Tim, was 7 when he first fell in love with the odd, clumsy, red-eyed cicada. He collected their exoskeletons which are left as they molt and played with them. I don’t remember the details of that play, but it was such that he was excited when they came again when he was 24. Now he has a 7-year old himself, and the cycle begins again. A new generation of boy, and a new generation of bug.

Whether you are freaked out by cicadas or not, there is something comforting in knowing that nature continues to do its job, and yes, the cicadas arrived right on time.

On May 5, 2021, Tim posted the first pictures of emerging cicadas. His caption read, “I’ve been waiting for you.” He meant it in the most gentle way, finding nothing sinister in this unique creature.

I may have more to say later this summer when the incessant sounds of cicadas preparing to mate and lay new eggs become intense. But until then, I’m willing to let them be.

Weekly writing on Tuesdays with TwoWritingTeachers.org